Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.

I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!

Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…

  1. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
  2. Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
  3. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true! I stand by my racial slur. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

  • And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
  • I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
  • I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.